My thoughts in Words
The Deep End.
piece was started January 2011 final edit March 2012.
a recent visit to the doctors when once again I was hassled, or to be
more precise, emotionally blackmailed, into agreeing to take
cholesterol altering drugs, (Doctors have a job to do,ticking the
boxes advising us of the bad effects of high cholesterol) forgetting
at that moment in time what I had been previously been advised by a
consultant at Hospital, I suppose you could say I rebelled.
used the words “what your husband do without you”. Well there
are no guarantees to life, you can be quite innocently going about
your daily business when your “ lights “ to coin a phase are put
out by an act of fate.
this got me thinking just what would my husband do without me: well
his best option would be find another woman as quickly as possible, I
guess that would be quite a challenge. Hopefully he would. On a more
serious note though, I would hate him to be in the same position as a
good friend, dear Frank who returned back from his wood yard after
his day's work to find no smells of dinner, no fire laid, no wife at
home: It came to pass that my friend had quite simply died while she
was out walking. This was later explained as a case of SDS [ sudden
say this was a shock for your man would be a profound understatement;
he never ever in all their years of marriage went stepping into her
territory for the running of the house and all the financial affairs
were strictly her responsibility while he provided.
at the wood yard, felling trees, delivering logs, making pallets
almost every day for over half a century and still working, the
outdoor country life, the smells of nature in all weather, with his
sandwiches and flask he would set off on the two minute walk to his
work place and not return most days'
until five thirty pm.
no idea of where the cheque book was, or how much money was in the
bank account, let alone where to find insurance details, in fact
anything at to do with the daily routine correspondence of life, or
ever having used the washing machine or cooked a meal, there he stood
with Frank's predicament in mind I set about the task to have at
least the financial details easy for my dearest to understand,
together with where to find important documents.
is a file on my desk top which hopefully will help if this unenviable
task becomes necessary. As for my filing system, well, he will find
what he is looking for eventually, even I have trouble finding where
I have put things. Deciding what heading to file things under can be
quite difficult when you are dyslexic.
it comes to the chores , at least I know that my dearest can cook,
but you would not want to wash up after him! But we have a dishwasher
now, no problem.
work: well he can, but yeah! As for the Boys, our dogs, they will
keep him motivated. We are lucky to have good friends, and with help,
I hope that he would survive like our dear friend Frank whom is
enjoying life, albeit vastly different than when he had a woman to,
to coin another phrase, ” steer his ship”
for my cholesterol problem, well, when one has a thyroid condition as
I do, high cholesterol is often a factor: apparently if the thyroid
is treated effectively, one's cholesterol should revert to be within
normal parameters. However, this not an exact science. I have visited
the website of the International Network of Cholesterol Sceptics
this site makes very interesting reading! Being informed is hugely
important: after all, we only have one life and the quality of one's
life is up to ourselves as much as our Doctors.
for my Cholesterol, I am doing everything homoeopathic that I can:
porridge for breakfast, a low fat diet, I do not smoke but after five
years of avoiding alcohol I now have three or four glasses of red
wine a week. Red wine is good for one's circulation [ thins the blood
] which may also help reduce cholesterol. The French do not seem to
suffer so much with this problem and it is well known that they enjoy
I was taking Statins I felt as if I was carrying an extra half a
hundredweight around with me, at barely five feet tall and currently
weighing in at eleven stone two pounds after attending weight
watchers for a time last year and still keeping to the plan. I
certainly do not want to feel that effect together with muscle and
joint pain, low libido and bad concentration plus Irritable Bowel
will just have to hope that, in time, all the little things that I am
doing with diet and exercise [walking my dogs' twice daily for forty
minutes] will eventually lower my cholesterol. Statins and similar
drugs are out.
or swim sink or swim
it be her or will it be him?
some day one of them a different life will begin .
a lifetime of loving Memories
the up's and down's of what comes around
one will be thrown in the Ocean that is a life alone.
it be her or will it be him
will tread the water as of life
will swim lest they will sink
it be me or will it be him!
My Drinking Days are Done.
In April 2006 just before launching my C.D. I gave up the Drink, this
was meant to be a short term thing, I was fully intending to have a
drink or two after performing at the launch, well that was the idea.
The day came and it was great fun and everyone seemed to enjoy it
including me which was a surprise, it was at this point that I realized
I really did not want to drink alcohol again. I found that I had not
felt so good in years.
I suppose to be honest I had been a regular drinker from a very early
age with a glass of cider or wine not just at Christmas or on special
occasions. There was much to cope with, my mother always being ill,
having a succession of nervous breakdowns from my seventh year,
although it was before this that life became very unhappy.
It is fair to say that I have struggled through life with mood swings
and bad memories, depression etc.
There are thousands of my generation, post war babies, whose fathers
had experienced the terror of war and whose mothers did their best.
Some of these got post natal depression on top of everything else which
if not treated promptly can effect one's entire life.
There comes a time when you have to face your "demons" and accept and
acknowledge what has gone before and forgive if you can. Look at
yourself in the mirror and be happy with yourself because if you
cannot, no one else can. As for Alcohol, does it help? Well not for me,
it just muddies it all.
The hardest thing about this decision is that some friends cannot
And constantly press me to have "just one".... if only!
Yoga for Life.
Yoga has been a part of my life since 1975, this
was nearly a year after having my left patella [knee cap] removed and
finding it very difficult to regain any sort of physical fitness that I
started going to evening classes.
Our Yoga teacher was a lady of mature years and
she had “found” Yoga in her mid fifties when as she put it she was
“ceasing up” now in her mid seventies with the physical condition and
flexibility that both amazed and inspired me. The emphasis she
installed into us all was that Yoga was not a competitive recreation,
that the most important thing to remember is that only do what feels
comfortable [no extreme straining to achieve positions] the benefits of
complete breathing, meditation and eventually contemplation are quite
From the age of eleven years, thanks’ to a very bossy x-wren P.T.
teacher when I was bullied into attempting to volt a four foot horse
and me just four foot ten inches tall, all ten stone of me crashing to
the ground when apparently it was discovered when the surgeon jovially
commented after removing my knee cap in bits “I didn’t know that you
had played rugby” was crushed at that early age. This single event has
had a profound effect on my ability to keep myself fit and has been a
constant recurring source of weakness and pain ever since that fateful
day[Ms Hurst] who if still alive must be well in her nineties by now.
As for being ten stone at eleven years well that’s another story and
not one to tell now or in the foreseeable future.
With two operations since, the last one in 1995 and thanks’ to the
skill of my surgeon when he repaired the post-cruciate tendon, which I
had managed to sever whilst haymaking ten plus years earlier I can now
walk normally and with only a few exceptions I have kept my promise to
him, not to run or dance anything other than a smooch [the chance would
be a fine thing] I consider myself to be very lucky to been able to
live a relatively “normal” life no more ceili’s for me giving up
dancing a small price to pay, having had to have a fireman’s “chair”
carry out of a third floor dance hall as a result of doing the twist,
prior to 1995.
Being able to walk is far more important than you realize when every
single step is unpredictable as to if you will be flung to the ground
as the knee dislocates not an experience I would wish on anyone.
Although I have strayed away from making the effort to practise my
Yoga routine from time to time over the years the longest break six
years came to an end on fourth of August last year, when I knew I just
had to get a grip and get back to what keeps me motivated into getting
myself as fit as I possibly can at my time of life!
So back to my good old faithful book of Richard Hittleman’s Yoga 28 day
a leaving present from my work colleagues when I joined my husband on
the buildings as a chippies mate great fun and getting out of the
office environment was very rewarding learning new skills and much less
I have never managed to complete all the postures in the book not even
in my twenties, I do what I can and that is all that matters. The
general improvement both physical and mental is worth every minute of
the 40 minutes a day, well almost every day!
My dear friend Joany who lives in Boscastle
Cornwall, twenty years my senior still practises Yoga and often
receives compliments on how well she looks for her age [you are so
lucky] as she retorts back, luck has nothing to do with it “ its dammed
hard work Darling .”
Well in twenty years time if I am still in the land of the living
perhaps I will be saying the same.